Set It Free
by JasperK
Summary: Meryl musing over the frustrations of having to deal with Vash (and the world in general). Spoilers: Trigun Maximum 14. Set after the ending of the manga.


_Spoilers: set after Trigun Maximum Manga vol 14_

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The terrible tragedy of it was that it required so much from her. Meryl pondered this as she slowly followed Milly through the town, now unburdened by the technology that gave them their purpose. She breathed in the cool night air; it would be good to relax for a moment after such a hectic day. Her heart had leapt the moment they had actually found him. Vash the Stampede had leaped out and declared himself, choosing to draw the fire from innocents, as was his wont. Caught in the adrenaline rush of the pursuit, she had dodged the overeager antics of both the mercenaries and the Terran's. Yet somehow, once he had worked out that they would not fight alongside him, Vash had eluded them as well. The shock that had overcome her when she realised she had been so close yet had _lost_ him again was strong, but not as strong as her profound disappointment. They had spent the rest of the hot, sticky and very long afternoon searching the desert and nearby towns for him. She had been privately seething by the time Milly had chosen a hotel for them. Her partner had suggested Meryl take the first bath, which had allowed her to consider the circumstances in a more positive light once the initial aggravation had eased in the refreshing bathwater.

The disappointment she felt had surprised her and bothered her. She knew its source from of old; she loved the man, no, _plant_. He was a plant, she could not forget that. It was the aching sort of love that did her heart no good; unrequited and unacknowledged, save for a few slight gestures that could so easily be mistaken for one comforting another. She was glad Milly knew where the Saloon was, as trapped by uncomfortable thoughts as she was. This was not the time to get into a funk about Vash the Stampede of all people. She just needed a drink to remind her that there was something good about a frustrating day. Then perhaps some sleep and she would be rearing to go the next morning. Oh, she would catch him! The cheek he had, running away from them as he did.

Milly sure did know how to pick them. She found the most raucous saloon in the town and not only that, she had found the biggest party in town. It was in full swing when they wandered in. Music from a jukebox in the corner thumped out some old tunes and the dance floor extended between some tables, and in the case of a rather racy couple, onto the bar.

"Is purdy ladies! C'm in! C'm in!" A young man waved at them with over exaggerated gestures when Meryl paused at the doors. "Have a drink and join us! Gents these ladies need pardners!"

"Wha-no?" It was as far as Meryl got before they whisked Milly off and she happily went to join the dance. Meryl eyed the three suddenly cautious men who had noticed her expression. Then a fourth man suavely walked up with a drink.

"Come sit by the bar, you can watch your partner from there." He manoeuvred her away from the others and drew out the stool for her, then leaned with his back against the bar. "They can't help they don't understand subtleties." He winked at Meryl.

She only worked out what he had insinuated by the time she had drunk half her drink, by which time he was back on the dance floor taking Milly for a twirl. She put her head in her hands. She had come in to have a good drink and not to have yet more love issues placed on her head. She pushed the half-drunk wine away from her as it turned to vinegar in her mouth. She had never realised one had to be in the mood to enjoy a drink, or perhaps there were such moods that even drinking could not solve? There were two choices, to either stay at the bar or let the alcohol take its toll and perhaps get into the mood for a dance. However, she knew the way she was feeling now, the only dancing she would do was the aggressive kind with her fists or perhaps her derringers. The alternative was to walk out in the fresh air.

She slipped upstairs and went to stand on the balcony of the saloon. For a moment her gaze was caught by the starry skies, brighter than usual, with only two moons in the sky. Her skin broke out in gooseflesh in the cold night air as she leaned against the building and peered out over the town. Above the music and the laughter and chatter below, she could hear a dog barking somewhere and the faint sounds of another saloon partying it up a street away. The town's folk must be happy with the income, most of the bounty hunters and Terran Task Force troops would be in the vicinity.

She let out a long sigh. The cost was not something she wanted to calculate now, such calculations were delicately considering who he was, but her mind would not rest. There was a thumping noise against the wall she rested on and she sprang away, startled. Then a few very throaty and sultry mumbles came through the wall. Meryl rolled her eyes and walked away from the sleeping suites. She leaned on the railing and peered out down the road. The party had spilled out onto the street. Several people were dancing a jig and waving their hats in the air with their free hands.

Ah, what should she do now? She had met Vash, as she had been so longing to do, and lectured him. He had responded as she had anticipated. Only, she had not anticipated him giving her and Milly the slip too. That was not where her wishful thinking ever took her. She put her head in her hands. That was what it was, wishful thinking; about _him_ of all people. No, of all the people in the biggest predicament tonight, it was her. Vash might have a bounty on his head, but she, she had ransomed her heart. She leaned her head on the railing. The thing about the ransom was that someone had to pay it, and well, what if it were not him? What if some other could come up with the same _joie de vivre_ that made him stand out as he did? Worse, what if no one did? That was the full cost of such daring hope.

"Hey, girl! Thought I saw you go up here! Your partner is looking for you. Look, she even got a hat for you! C'mon!"

Meryl looked at the man who sauntered out to her and put a hat on her head. It was one of those large ones just in fashion right now, with tomas feathers on it in a silly plume.

"Don't ya look a treat?" He there was a teasing cheer to his voice.

Meryl was glad of the hat; she could blink fiercely at her tears without him seeing. She had _not_ been asking for _another_ man, not at all, but being alone on the balcony might give him ideas.

"Where's Milly?" She asked brightly without raising her head. She was beginning to like this hat; she could hide under it quite effectively.

"Your sweet lady is dancing. C'mon down!"

She found Milly amid the throng, dancing. She could not resist the young man's offer of a dance without appearing exceedingly contrary after they had just descended the staircase together. She then danced with a few others just to keep an eye on Milly who was accepting drinks from strangers, until she saw what her partner was doing and almost gave the game away by laughing. She would accept the drink with a gushing 'thank you' to the young man, then take a turn on the dance floor. She would then pass the drink on to her next partner without having drunk any. Meryl found herself back at the bar, too inattentive to dance well. She could not keep her thoughts in order. They were not completely scattered by the reappearance of a certain man -_plant-_ that could not be. Most definitely not. Really. What was that awful phrase? _If you love something set it free... ._ She tasted bitter bile at the back of her throat. She had already done that. She had tried so very hard to do that. Yet, the second part of that statement? _If it comes back to you it's yours..._ . Only she had never allowed him that, she could not wait for him to honour his promise. She felt a knot clench in her gut. She had not allowed him to honour his promise, something he so rarely gave. He had appeared so fiery and smiling, but she should have known better. What had happened to his brother? The Terran Task Force had searched the church buildings and the little boy had cried that Knives had died and had showed them the tree. Meryl had not thought to script that. She had winged a brief epitaph, but it had felt hollow. No wonder he had not returned within the six months, he had been injured and in mourning. Would he mourn his brother? She closed her eyes, of course he would. He mourned all his enemies the deepest and the worst, and his brother would be the most profound.

Did that give her any right to hope? She blinked as she felt tears prick at her eyes. Now that she sat at the bar, people could see her and the hat did not hide things as well as it did when she was in the dark. She slipped off the barstool, confident that Milly would not miss her for a few minutes. She needed to get herself together before she faced any more smiling men that night. Keeping a tight grip on the hat brim, she wove her way out of the hot crowded saloon and went to sit on the railing of the Saloon's veranda in the cool night air. It was a high enough perch for her to see faces, but not enough for them to look up at hers if she dipped her hat brim. She leaned against the pole that supported the balcony above and watched the dancers and drinkers in the street. There were too many happy couples for her to ignore her own feelings. What was the bitter part of that whole statement? _If it doesn't. It never was._ That would be her fate then. She sniffed and wiped angrily at the tears that slipped down her face. No, she was simply tired, and this would look much better when the suns rose tomorrow morning. She raised a handkerchief to her face when someone whipped her hat off.

"Hey!" She spun around and leaped off the balcony. The thief glided down the side of the saloon to where the tomas stables were, and where the more dedicated drinkers had gathered having been displaced by the party.

"Give me my hat!" She tried to snatch it, then realised that the woman was rather tall and did not resist, in fact, they turned to her.

"Really? Must I?"

She stared up at a pair of glinting eyes and a mischievous smile.

"The whole town is chasing you." She hissed, as flat panic killed her delight. They were surrounded by bounty hunters and Terrans.

"Yet you're the one who caught me." He grinned.

She released the hat and could not help grinning back. He looked ridiculous with it on his head. She could not think now that she saw him again. What should she say? What had she been thinking about? No she could not say _any_ of that, her mind frantically tried to find some topic of conversation, then she did. Her grin faded.

"I'm sorry about your brother." She murmured.

He blinked and hung his head slightly. Without thinking, she slipped her arm around his waist and gave him an awkward hug of comfort. He crouched over and pulled her into his embrace, and she was startled to feel him trembling.

"Ugh, ladies, get a room!" A thickset man grumbled as he wove past carrying a tray of beers.

"Ladies?" Vash's voice squeaked in protest.

"Milly and I entered the Saloon together, they made assumptions."

"Really, you and Milly? Aw, and here I though-ow!"

Meryl gazed up at him. Vash rubbed his arm where she had poked him.

"You'd better leave town, that show Milly and I are doing is twenty four hours. Now that you're here we've got to go back to work."

Vash pulled the hats brims down so it formed a bonnet and flattered his eyelashes.

"But I'm not, I'm a lady tonight." He cooed in a falsetto.

Meryl could not stop a snort of laughter, but was interrupted by a gruff exclamation of frustration.

"He's gone! He's like a ghost."

"I tell you he went that way!"

Meryl glanced back as a crowd of Terran task force enforcers marched up the street with their bright torchlights.

"Uh oh." Vash pulled the hat low over his face.

"Here." Meryl slung off her white cape and he tossed it over his shoulders.

"Where you going?" He asked, surprised as she headed toward the mob.

"To lead them off. Run. You have a twelve hour start on us, Milly and I will be on your arse from dawn tomorrow."

"That sounded like a threat." He grinned.

"It will be if we have to rescue you from the Terran's." She growled. "And I expect my cloak to come back without any bullet holes."

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted, then for a moment smiled at her. Then he was gone. The bad mood that had been building all day had vanished at Vash's appearance but the frustration had not. Meryl walked out to face the Terrans and the bounty hunters who were hoping to give them the jump on the bounty head. If this sort of recklessness and insanity was love, then she began to understand why Vash would risk his life. Oh, but was she going to enjoy this.


End file.
